Serve One Another

by Pastor Brittany Fiscus-van Rossum

Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean, though not all of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

JOHN 13:5-11

Over my years of being a part of the Mercy community, I have been challenged to resist certain internalized expectations about the roles I embody there. As a housed person who grew up volunteering in different capacities, at first it was hard for me to resist the urge to be a “helper” in this space. I wanted to ladle the soup or pour the coffee. I wanted to share what resources I had access to or offer advice. I wanted to be useful as if usefulness were the highest order of virtue.

However, one of the things I have learned at Mercy is that we need to take turns in such roles. We do not always have to be useful, and sometimes trying too hard can get in the way of just being together.

There is dignity in both giving and receiving. However, if such roles are too rigid or stagnant, they can become problematic. If we only want to be in a position of “serving” others, it is hard to work together and listen to the wisdom of others. If we are stuck in our roles, it becomes difficult to recognize one another as co-collaborators. We need communities where we can eat, work, and fellowship alongside one another, and where we can defy the rigidity of any roles we are tempted to dominate.

In the story of Jesus washing his followers’ feet, we have an example of what it looks like to defy the rigidity of societal roles for the sake of love formed in relationships. In this story, Jesus gets on his hands and knees and washes the dirty dust-stained feet of his friends. He acts like a servant. Moreover, he shares this tender kindness out of the love that comes with the relationships he has nurtured. Jesus does not perform this tender, but gritty, washing for the self-satisfaction of service, but out of love.

Peter tries to say that he doesn’t deserve such treatment, and yet, Jesus insists that it isn’t about merit. Jesus is abundant in his love and willing to embody this low stature to show a love grounded in tender relationality, not the societal expectations of give and take.

Sometimes the roles that need to be broken down and defied are those that try to determine who can serve and who is a recipient of service. When service demeans instead of humanizing and building up the Christian community, it misses the point of it all: love. Instead, we can all embody moments of giving and receiving in love. We can all get down on our hands and knees to wash the feet of our friends in loving tender kindness, but so too can we all receive the love and care of others in humble gratitude.

Such societal expectations and the patterns they encourage are difficult to resist. It takes some unlearning and a willingness to practice mutuality, even when it doesn’t come naturally. After years of being a part of this community, I remember one Maundy Thursday, I came to the church happy to wash the feet of my community members but then felt awkward when someone asked to wash mine. I was the pastor! It was my job to be serving on this special and holy day! However, when I resisted this initial inclination, I realized it was my turn to receive the gift within this gesture, too.

It is hard to resist the allure of being a “helper.” But, like Peter, I need to be humble and willing enough to receive. I need to receive and honor Christ’s love that is so often given to me in the form of the care offered by my community members. We all need help sometimes. We all need care. We all need the loving kindness that can manifest within community. Let us be open to giving and receiving and let both be done in love.